Keane Observations

Tuesday I went

[here]

To see

[these guys]

with

[this girl].

And it looked a little something like

[THAT!]

It's surprisingly difficult to get a decent picture of the band when there are a million strobe lights. This was my best effort.

Concert Review: Hands down, my favorite concert I've been to. I loved both opening acts (Mat Kearney is one of my top ten favorites) and knew and loved all the Keane songs. Plus the absence of alcohol made for a much less obnoxious crowd. And I haven't been to a Coldplay concert, so this one remains the best until I do.

Music Suggestion: Keane- all of their albums, but especially the latest. Mat Kearney- pick and choose his songs on his albums (see me for specifics). Helio Sequence- not bad at all, but much better live.

Word.

Almost a Parent

No, this is not an announcement. I'm pretty sure you've got to kiss a boy or something along those lines to become a parent.

Anyway...

When I was in college I was a nanny of sorts for a family. Another girl about my age and I would take turns helping the mom with the kids on extra busy days or watching the kids on nights the parents had something. Over the years as I've become busy with a full time job and other things, the other nanny girl and I have stopped babysitting but have kept in touch with this cute family. I still take their kids every once in a while so the parents can have a date night and I can catch up with the kiddos. The other nanny girl does the same. Sometime over the course of the past few years the other girl got married and now has two kids. I didn't. This is confusing for the kids' little minds.

A few weeks ago I was watching the kiddos while the parents went to catch a flick. I was helping the five-year-old get his PJs on and get ready for bed. He looked at me and asked, "Are you a parent?" I took time explaining to him that I wasn't married like his other sitter that has kids, thus I had no children. 

He looked at me again and said, "So you're in high school?" 

"No, I've been out of high school for a while," I said.

"So you're in college?" he inquired.

"Um, no. I've been out of college for a little while. Now I go to a job all day," was my answer.

"And you have no kids?" he asked again, just to double check.

"Nope."

"Oh, I get it! You're almost a parent!" he exclaimed

"YES," I said. "I am almost a parent."

A couple weeks later, I was helping this same little boy put his PJs on again. We went through a similar dialogue. Except this time at the end of the conversation, he looked at me and said, "You're not married 'cuz you're saving your appetite for me, huh?" (while doing some sort of disco dance.) I could have died laughing. And then I felt bad, because he was completely serious. I grabbed his chubby cheeks, looked at him and said, "Yes. I want to marry someone exactly like you someday. Hopefully he'll be a  little closer to my age."

So although I don't have children to have given me cause to celebrate Mother's Day yesterday, I am almost a parent. So I almost celebrated. 

But to all of those actual mothers out there who raise these clever and entertaining children, thank you! Thank you for devoting your life to such a selfless, noble cause. And to all you Mother's Day greeting card writers who brought me to tears in the aisle at Walmart, I hate you. But I love my mother. She's not perfect, but she's better than any other mother I could have imagined. And she's a really great woman for putting up with me and loving me even after seeing me at my very worst... over, and over, and over. 

Happy belated Mother's Day, everyone!

No Child Left Behind- No Teacher Left Standing

A co-worker of mine, who is also a former teacher, sent me THIS LINK. It's a somewhat recent article from the New York Times about the future of the No Child Left Behind law. It's a very telling article. If you have children in public education, work in public education, or care about the fate of public education, you will find this article interesting and frustrating. And you should probably be very scared.

The following letter is written in response to that article. No, it's not a letter that I plan on mailing— just a pseudo letter that allows me to vent.

Dear Mr. President & U.S. Legislators:

Have you no children?!? Have you no heart?!? No brains?!?

Wait. I'd better start over.....

Dear Mr. President & U.S. Legislators:

I have read recent information regarding the future of the No Child Left Behind law. The information I have read has given me cause to worry. The following excerpt from the New York Times article gives me the heebie jeebies:

"... Congressional rewriting of the federal law later this year to toughen requirements on topics like teacher quality and academic standards and to intensify its focus on helping failing schools. The law’s testing requirements may evolve but will certainly not disappear. And the federal role in education policy, once a state and local matter, is likely to grow."

I would like to address where I think this law falls short. 

Teacher quality and academic standards are being assessed by tests, portfolios, twice-a-year principal observations, and other similar techniques.  Just four years ago I completed my degree in elementary and special education. In order to be considered a "highly qualified" teacher you decided (indirectly) to have me pay a couple hundred dollars and take a four hour test. I was tested on all major academic topics from U.S. history to geometry. I'm smart enough, I did well on the test and received some official-looking certificate that is now filed away in a location I couldn't remember if my life depended on it. I accepted my first teaching job as a highly qualified teacher. And I thought I was. I had the diploma, test scores and certificate, and portfolio of college projects to prove it. 

I hated my first year of teaching. Hated, hated, hated it. I worked at a good school, had a great principal, had a great team of teachers to work with, and had the most adorable students. I hated teaching that year. Time that should have been spent coming up with and creating memorable learning experiences for my students was spent writing out lesson plans on the official lesson plan observation sheets, gathering data after data to prove my students were improving, organizing YET ANOTHER portfolio, having unnecessary formal meetings with my principal so we could sign a form saying we met, attending numerous trainings before and after school,  and writing (or should I say b.s.ing) goals and proof of achievement each term. Oh, yes. And then there was that ESL program that I spent four hours a week attending, and many more hours working on pointless projects... all for the sake of meeting the new requirements of being a highly qualified teacher. I DID NOT sign up for this. Silly me, thinking that I was hired to teach content curriculum to children. My naivety led to a complete oversight of the biggest portion of my job, jumping through hoops!

Year 2 and 3 of teaching were similar to the first year, and only slightly less hectic due to the small amount of teaching experience under my belt. If the goal of making sure that I was highly qualified and a "quality" teacher was to help schools and students improve, I give that goal  a failing grade! I helped no one. I became really, really good at taking tests (because I had to pay even more money and take TWO standardized tests after my 3rd year), creating well organized portfolios, and acting really on the ball during my many meetings and classes. My test scores, diploma, and many certificates meant nothing to me at the end of my third year of teaching. I felt like a failure. I had spent all of my time meeting my requirements to be highly qualified, that I hadn't been able to improve on my classroom management, teaching strategies, curriculum planning, and parent relationships- to name a few crucial and neglected skill sets essential to teaching. I could not shake the feeling that I was static in my skills as a teacher but improving in my skills daily as a bureaucratic butt-kisser, and hoop jumper. 

My whole life I have wanted to be a teacher. That is all I ever wanted to play with my friends as a child. I, of course, got to play the role of the teacher. I have the most vivid memories of my own grade school experience. I remember just how my classrooms were set up, what they looked like, smelled like, and sounded like. I can remember phrases, verbatim, that my teachers said in teaching lessons. I loved my teachers. I loved school. I loved learning. I fear that my teaching experience fell short of creating those same types of memories for students I had. We had fun, we did fun things, I cared for them, they cared for me, but there was always a overarching pressure to PROVE and SUCCEED that I couldn't shake, and the students couldn't shake it either. Children in 3rd and 4th grade should be having anxiety over their birthday parties, soccer games, and ballet performances if they're going to have anxiety. NOT over their end of level test scores, and hours required to practice for those tests! They are kids for crying out loud! Let them be kids and let them learn like kids!! We are doing a huge disservice to the upcoming generation by teaching them to be great test takers, fact memorizers (which doesn't last after the test, by the way), number crunchers, intense (not intent) listeners, and stressed students. These are not factors that contribute to learning. 

Do YOUR homework. Talk to teachers. Talk to students. Talk to parents. Talk to the people in the trenches- they know. Visit a classroom for one week, one day, one hour, and you'll see that this approach to reforming education will only get us right back where we started- failing schools and failing students.

Sincerely,

A burnt-out, former teacher who would like very much to go back teaching someday

Terms of Use Agreement

I have often thought that I should give a terms of use agreement to boys that I date before things get very serious. This way they know all about my crazy female characteristics of which I can do nothing about. They will know what they are getting themselves into. Then, if at any point in the relationship I frustrate, confuse, annoy, or hurt them, I will just wave the terms of use agreement in their face... as a subtle reminder of the fact that they knew what they were getting themselves into before the show began. It would probably go something like this:

I, the undersigned, do hereby agree to relinquish any and all decision-making capabilities to Megan, the girl I choose to date. By doing so, I understand that Megan will be making any crucial decisions, as determined to be crucial by her, throughout the course of our courtship. I recognize that dating a girl who is moderately attractive, smart, and funny is a rare find. I will make every effort possible to assure her that I am giving this relationship my very best efforts. Anything short of my best efforts will result in in termination of said relationship. I do understand that Megan, though typically super awesome and delightful to date, will sometimes have a momentary lapse of rational thought— she is, after all, female. I will not judge, think less of Megan for, or complain of any of the following actions:

Sitting with her arms tightly folded at the movie theater after I comment on the attractiveness of the lead actress
Not returning my phone calls or other attempts at communication for nearly a week to prove a point
Listening to what I'm saying and then later pretending not to remember what I said because I didn't say what she wanted to hear
Getting her feelings hurt and waiting months to tell me after a completely unrelated event or discussion
Saying that she doesn't expect me to plan anything for her birthday and then being sad and disappointed when I don't
Being mad when I don't pick up on all the hints she has given
Faking sick so she doesn't have to hang out with my family, again

I understand that the above list is not conclusive and may be added to at anytime according to the desire of the author. I also understand that I am one lucky sucker.


Signed, ____________________________

Decisions

I graduated from college with a Bachelor's degree four years ago. The same number of years that I spent in college. Four years ago... really? My life plan was to go straight into a graduate degree after a Bachelor's. But I got a degree in education instead of the subject listed in my life plan, so I thought I should put my degree to use for a year. One turned into two, then three. Then I was offered an amazing opportunity to work in publishing. Grad school was put on hold, yet again, while I checked this route out. I am really glad that I took the job I have now, I LOVE it. I loved teaching, too. But it sucked the life out of me. I miss it everyday, still. Well, I miss the kids. But I really, really, really enjoy what I do now. I consider that a huge blessing, because I know that isn't the case for many working adults.
So why can't I just be normal and keep enjoying doing just what I'm doing, like a normal person?! I'm starting to feel restless lately, and guilty for neglecting my goal of furthering my education. I have friends who are beginning and ending various graduate programs and I am green with envy as they tell me about all the exciting things they get to study. I'm not generally a jealous person, but it's BAD lately. Does that make me a huge nerd?!
I'm been looking into graduate programs at the U. Most programs I'm interesting in don't have spring semester start dates, only fall. That means I could potentially be getting excited for a program I won't begin for a year and a half. And who knows where I'll be in life at that point. The other two problems I'm running into are 1) What do I want to study? And 2) Do they offer classes at night? I do not want to leave my job; I'm really happy there. Can I do both? Can I have the best of both worlds, like Hannah Montana? I don't really have a choice because I need the income and the health insurance. Blah. And what on earth do I study?!
I have interests in everything from law to creative writing. The problem is, I don't have any strong traits/talents that would turn me toward a particular path. I have mostly been considering American History and Creative Writing. Those seem like things that could apply to my current profession, and they're both things that I really, really enjoy. I'm already starting to worry ... Can I remember all the names and dates in the history courses? Will I be able to come up with enough good ideas to complete a novel for the writing program? I'm not even in the programs and I'm already stressing!
BLAH! I don't even know what to do! I just want to have a goal, to be working toward something else. Had I known 4 years ago that I'd be basically in the same position today as I was then, I would have started a law degree. I'd be about done by now. Talk about kicking yourself. So I NEED to start... something... soon... hopefully before the fall of 2010. I need to do something with my life, take advantage of the "blessing of being single. I have no idea what I'm going to do, but I'm going to do something. I miss school!

Just when you thought life couldn't get any better...

grrrrrr.

Now I realize that emotions are heightened when you're sick and sleep-deprived, but that's not going to stop me.

I have never been one who minds being single. I believe that you'll never be happy when you're with someone if you're not happy being alone first. I would, however, like to graduate from this single state that I'm in someday, but I'm going to enjoy this phase of my life while it lasts. What a great opportunity to take advantage of this time to further education, get financially stable, travel, and just have as much fun as humanly possible. But like I've said and written time and time again... being single would be even better if you didn't have to date!! If you could take dating and feelings out of the equation, and just simply live and enjoy this single state until you magically met someone you love and want to marry, I'd say, "Where do I sign?!" It's pretty hard to enjoy this stage of life whole-heartedly when there are always feelings and thoughts of dating floating around in your head.

Over the past few  years as I've moved further and further from my college years, I have noticed a gradual, and then somewhat drastic decline in the number of dating opportunities I have. I used to think this was because I'm not encircled in the college social circuit anymore, or most of my best friends are married, or I'm just so busy with work and other things. But it's none of those reasons. There are still as many people in the world as there were a few years ago... probably more, I don't know for sure. I still go out into the world as often as I did years ago. But how is it that at this point in my life, where I could actually be a great girlfriend, I am more interesting, more confident, more intelligent than I was in college, yet I have so fewer dating opportunities? Anyone who thought they might want to date me all that time ago has no idea what they were missing out on, compared to where I am now in life. But that fact about growing up and evolving is just the problem. As singles grow up, come into their own, and become greater people, they alienate themselves in the dating scene. The older we get, the more "specialized" our dating becomes. 

I look back at past boyfriends I've had and boys I've dated. They cover a very broad spectrum of personalities, attractiveness, and intelligence. I used to like a boy if he liked me! If he was a mostly decent guy, and was willing to go out on a limb to show interest in me, I liked him back. HOW PATHETIC! I was the classic case of "Girl with lack of self esteem, wanting attention from any guy who would give it to her." How sad to think that I valued myself most when a boy was interested in me.

Well, fear no more. After many, many humbling experiences with rejection, one is really forced to sit back and think about dating patterns. I'm glad for dating experiences gone awry (well, not all of them if I'm being honest- but most.) But mostly I'm glad for life and growing up. I'm glad that I know who I am today. I don't like country music, I never have. But I'm not going to pretend like I do, or suffer through it to impress a guy like I have in the past. And conversely, I know what I want. No, I don't know what it looks like, sounds like, or acts like. But I know what it feels like.

Herein lies the problem today. I have been around the block a time or two or three or four... with dating. People don't believe me when I tell them I can tell on the first date whether or not things with a boy will go anywhere, but I can. I am a seasoned veteran, as are most singles my age. So why go out with every boy that asks me? So I can say that I'm always open-minded and trying. I still give chances to different types of boys, I just don't let them develop into full-blown relationships now that I know what I want and need. One or two dates will do the job of confirming what I already knew- It's not going to work out. 

As you can imagine, when I finally find a boy that I can feel like things would go well with, it's a rare and exciting find. But the frustrating part is that when you find them, they aren't ready to find you... or they found someone else... or they're just plain stupid! And it hurts really, really bad because you know in the deepest part of your heart that you're supposed to be with someone like that. And as you sit back to evaluate to make sure you're not just telling yourself what you want to hear, you're honest with yourself. More honest than you've ever been. And you just keep coming to the same conclusion: Nothing else makes more sense than being with that person. There are few other people in the world who know your soul like that person does. They understand your reasoning behind decisions in your life without you having to explain. They appreciate you for the attributes you value most. They think you're funny, even if you're not actually trying to be. They care, and you can feel it. They appreciate you more than any of the other people with whom you associate. But they just don't want to be with you. And you're finally mature enough to know that those two things don't always go hand in hand: loving someone and wanting to be with them. There are a million things that could effect this, but I have to just accept that I'll never understand why. It makes zero sense and it hurts worse than the time I crashed wake boarding and got a concussion, but it just is. There is power in accepting this fact.... and moving on. But it hurts, still. And every time you relive the experience, even with a better perspective, it hurts. And even though you have faith to know that this will all make sense someday, it hurts. 

And when you feel your eyes welling up with tears as you think about it- you give yourself a little slap across the face, tell yourself to stop feeling sorry, and decide that there are much bigger problems in life. Fortunately, the problem you're facing right now isn't the biggest problem in the world- not even close. So you walk yourself into your kitchen to get some food, and remind yourself that you've never had to worry where your next meal will come from. And on your way to the kitchen you pass your coat closet with a surplus of coats to keep you warm. You chat with a family member or two who loves you as you eat your food. You think of the things you need to do for work tomorrow and you remember how lucky you are to have a job, an income, and health insurance. Then you think about your faith and what you can do to strengthen it- and that's why you're going to be okay. Because come what may, you have your faith and no person can ever replace that blessing.