They're Not Always Just Words

It seems like being in the single scene means always seeking approval of people around you. You want boys to approve your looks and personality so they'll ask you out. You want girls to approve your looks and personality, as well, so you'll have friends to do fun things with. You also want girls to approve your fashion sense.  For some reason, an awful lot of energy, time, and money is spent on your "style" when you don't have a home, husband, or kids to spend the energy, time, and money on. I know that this hobby isn't entirely good, but it's a hobby, none-the-less.

Living in a single community allows you to frequently be surrounded by or exposed to the same large mass of people. Sometimes this is your ward, sometimes it's just a group of people who all live in the same area. As you prepare your attractiveness and personality and then take them on display to this group, you can soon rate yourself according to the "feedback" given by those around you. Girls give verbal feedback: "I like your hair like that." "Where did you get your dress?" "You look cute today." Receiving a series of three or more comments like these means that you've struck gold with the outfit, make up, hair-do, or overall fashion sense for that day. Why can't you count one or two compliments as an A+, you night ask? Because girls often say things just to say things; they say things they don't really mean. It took me a long time to realize this. I thought for a few months in college that I must have been really, ridiculously good-looking because a certain gal pal of mine told me how "beautiful" I looked EVERY time she saw me. This was not the case. Sure, I had cute days here and there. But c'mon, I was in college with many a late night that I know did not have positive effects on my face the next day. But many girls think that "You look cute," is synonymous for "Hello," "How are you?" or "Are you ready to go to class?" Girls.... don't believe everything they tell you. But not all compliments are insincere. There are plenty of women who give sincere compliments. These are almost as fun to give as to get. :)

After years of being in the compliment-ridden social scene, I have changed my mind about what I like to hear from or tell people. Yes, I'm a girl, and it's always nice to have your hair or outfit complimented. And it's hard not to want to tell a girl what a cute purse she has, how cute her tights look with her skirt, or how her new haircut makes her look younger. Everyone enjoys sharing these kinds of compliments. But sincere, heartfelt feedback from someone your respect, admire, or hardly even know can go much further and have a longer-lasting impact on someone's confidence. 

I have been told a lot of heartfelt things in my life. Not all of them were positive. As a teacher, I had parents express concern for a way that I chose to do something in my classroom. These moments were always hard, but I was always grateful for their honesty in the end. I was glad that they felt like I was someone who they could talk to about something critical and potentially hurtful. I'm grateful for a mom, sisters, and friends who have told me when I look like a clown in an outfit, hairstyle, or color of makeup. This has prevented a lot of future embarrassment. It takes a lot of courage for someone to tell you the truth when they know the truth may hurt you. I admire people who are able to do that.

As I've gone through life the past few months and "rated" myself according to feedback and comments that people have given me, I've learned some interesting things. I've learned that being told I look cute is nice but has no lasting effect. These comments are forgotten soon after they are shared. I have learned being told I was "interesting" by a girl I don't know well, but respect very much, had an unexpected positive effect on me. It made me curious at first, then reassured me that there are people out there who can appreciate loud, out-spoken, quirky  personalities. I learned that I would rather be labeled as smart by a boy than any other adjective. This means that they have taken the time to look past physical appearances, and personality quirks to note things about me that I pride spending my efforts on. 

It's interesting how much stock we put in to what people think of us. And honestly, I'm sure that it often makes Heavenly Father sad that we let other people effect our opinions of ourselves. But it's probably something that we'll always battle. And by "we," I mostly mean women. My entire mood or outcome of my day can be determined by what people say to me, about me. It seems like an awfully self-centered way to live my life, as I stop to think about it. I'm glad I came to this realization (as I'm writing). What a great reminder to focus on the things that really matter... and not fear the judgement of man. 

This is such a modge-podge, random post. But can think of no fluid form in which to present these ideas. Sorry :)

So I declare today, "Give Someone a Sincere Compliment Day!" You never know the effect (for good or bad) that you might have on someone with the words you use.