Argument #1 for the Insanity of Females

What is it about emotions that make you turn into goo when your brain and your heart decide to work together to create a crush on someone? I consider myself a sane person, generally. I am a sane person who has plenty to say and usually has no problem expressing exactly what is on my mind. That is, until I have a crush on a boy. My IQ drops at least 30 points as soon as I make eye contact with a boy I have a crush on. And instead of being my usual self who says just what I'm thinking, I begin double, triple, and quadruple guessing everything I want to say. Words are mulled around so many times in my head before they actually come out that they sound robotic and void of any flavor by the time I'm finally able to spit a coherent sentence at him. Poor fella is just getting gobs and gobs of abrupt, disconnected, meaningless sentences spewed into his face and there is nothing he can do about it! Part of me wants to tell him to run. Run far away and save yourself from exposure to my lack of intellect. But mostly, run before I have a chance to ruin any any positive conceptions you may have of me.

Not only do I have a ridiculously difficult time carrying a conversation with the boy, but my tongue swells... seriously. Yes, just like Buddy the elf!! I feel my cheeks turn red, my speech slurs because of the swollen tongue phenomenon, my eyes are shifty and dart from one corner of the room to the other, and I can never seem to find a comfortable place to put my hands. I have never felt/ looked so awkward with my hands on my hips as when I'm talking to a crush. So, for some reason I end up with my arms folded so tight I begin to lose circulation. But this prevents me from going for that itch on the inside of my nose or fidgeting with the zipper on my hoodie while I talk to the crush. 

The things that I say are not only clumsy, but they lack any humor, intonation, and consideration for his responses. I just want to get the words out, throw them out there so that my mind feels like I'm having a conversation with the crush... and that equates to crush productivity, in my mind.

If talking and acting like an idiot isn't enough, I start to have irrational thoughts and feelings. I exaggerate the situation in my mind a hundred fold. It might be a boy that I met just recently and have interacted with only few times. But each time he talks to me, you'd better believe that we are getting together, having a relationship, and sometimes breaking up in my head. It's at moments like these that I am reassured of the presence of female emotions that I'm often afraid I lack. I am normal- for a girl. I call up my single bff after each interaction with the crush and relate the insignificant interaction in such great detail that one would think he and I had spent the entire day together, when it was really a five-minute conversation. And during the course of my conversation with my friend I have expressed concern for him not liking me, me not liking him, what type of boyfriend he may or may not be, and what it will be like when we raise children together. 

A good friend listens and doesn't try to rationalize with you when you're like this, because you CAN'T be rationalized with. In a state like this, your mind has been void of all rationale capabilities for the past 24+ hours. Your friend waits it out and tries her best not to say anything at all, for fear that you might take her advice a little too literally and do something drastic and potentially embarrassing. Plus she remembers a time, not long ago, when she heard herself saying some of the same things you're saying about a boy she hardly knew that she ultimately knew she wouldn't end up with. 

The patterns described above repeat themselves over the following days and weeks until something snaps and sanity kicks in. I never know just what it takes for this to happen, but it does... thank heavens! And I am left to look back over my irrational trail of destruction. And then I just want to crawl in a hole and die, or at least sleep for a very, very long period of time. Just long enough for everyone to forget any interaction they had with me during my course of craziness. 

And then, just a few months later, it starts all over again... just when you were starting to fix the damage caused from the previous wake of irrational destruction.

Sometimes being a girl just sucks.