Everything I Need to Know About Dating I Learned from Bill Murray

"There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loved him."

- Bill Murray as Bob Wiley

What About Bob?

"There are two types of single women in this world: those who chase, and those who are chased. Not to be confused with chaste."

- Megan [last name] as Megan [same last name]

Real Life

As I talk to single friends and reflect on my single life (all of a few weeks ago), I gather more and more evidence to support my theory on the two types of women.

I know, I know... I should stop giving my two cents about dating and move on to opinions on curtains and organizing closets. What can I say? Old habits die hard. Here's the thing, boys are attuned to telling the difference between these types of girls. They can see right through you! No amount of fake confidence can cover the fact that you are chasing a boy.

I hate to sound all June Cleaver, but by nature, men are hunters. Girls, let them hunt you. And by hunt, I mean call, date, love. Let the boy ask for your number, let HIM ask YOU out, let him follow up after the first date, let him kiss you, let him call and make future plans— Let him get the ball rolling. [There are a few exceptions to these guidelines... very few.] By taking on his role, you are emasculating him and you have become the easy kill. You are no prize to be won or fought for. There is no sense of pride and accomplishment in dating you. You are easy and disposable. He will date you until something better comes along and you will be crushed. And you won't get it. And you'll tell everyone what a jerk he is. But you, yes you, caused this problem by deciding to go against the laws of nature. It's okay to show interest in a boy. By all means, go talk to him at a party, at church, at the grocery store. Toss your hair, flirt with him... if he's shy, throw him a bone and give him your number (if you must.) But then walk away. Think of him no more. IF he's interested he will act. If he's not interested, he won't. And no amount of texts, social invitations, or touching his arm will change his mind. He either likes you or he doesn't. If he doesn't, swallow the difficult pill and move on to the next...

... the next one who will chase you! Be yourself. Be charming. Be attractive. Above all, be confident. There is not a darn thing wrong with you. Don't let that last boy take the wind out of your sails. There are a million factors involved in determining chemistry. It could have been something as simple as the fact that your perfume triggered bad memories of an mean, old neighbor in his subconscious memory. YOU are not the problem. It was just bad luck, and life. Pick a new interest. Be honest with yourself and try to pick one that is similar to you or one that is already noticing you. If nothing else, have interest in him simply for the sake of having interest in someone. The very worst thing that could happen would be that you might date him and find out you like him, or you date him and find out you don't. Show interest in the boy. Be intriguing. Be smart, funny, and HAPPY around him so that each time you walk away from a conversation with him he is left thinking, "What is it about her? I can't wait to talk to her again." Nobody likes a Debbie Downer... not the clerk at the grocery store, not your co-workers, and certainly not the boy you have interest in. If you're not happy or confident, fake it until you make it. You will be single as long as you are unhappy and lack confidence. When you gain that confidence and slap that smile on your face, he will chase you. And so will others. There is nothing more attractive to a boy than a woman with confidence. Ask yourself this question: If you were a boy, would you want to date you? Would you have fun on a date with you? When you can answer yes to both of those questions, you will be chased, and not the chaser.

Until next time...