The Friendship (Phase the Second)

The comfort of the casual friendship between T.M.I.G.T.M. and myself lasted for sometime. I always thought highly of him, but didn't think much more. Because we'd both had our many chances at dating, and our fate was sealed as friendship, or so I thought....

Sometime in 2007, T.M.I.G.T.M. and I started to spend more time together. We relied less on the group for our friendship and a little more on one another. We were friends— really, really good friends. Our chats started to be a little more revealing of our inner psyche, and my fondness for T.M.I.G.T.M. as an independent friend entity grew more and more. I began to go to him more with my boy problems and he came to me more with his girl problems. He earned himself the position of my go-to male friend whenever I needed a boy's perspective on any and everything. T.M.I.G.T.M. dated and had serious relationships with a girl or two during this phase. All the while, I was by his side as his friend. I knew I would get a phone call from him as soon as something of consequence happened in the relationships. I was happy to be there for him, because I genuinely cared for him. At this point, not once did I feel bad about not being an interest in his life. My role as his friend and confidant was satisfying as I made life-changing discoveries in my own life and changed career paths. I was thankful for the stability of his friendship during a time of change and upheaval in my life.

Last summer T.M.I.G.T.M. highly recommended that I date his bff and old college roommate, which I did. He was a great guy. He was similar to T.M.I.G.T.M. in so many ways that I automatically felt comfortable around him. In fact, it sometimes felt like I was dating a slightly altered form of T.M.I.G.T.M. We had a fun time dating. We went on double dates with T.M.I.G.T.M. and his girlfriend. It was really fun. I loved having my boyfriend and my best friend at the same time.

Months flew by, and trouble arose in paradise. I discovered that the bff and I weren't a permanent match. I couldn't ever put my finger on it, there was nothing wrong with this boy, but it was wasn't clicking in my head. All the while T.M.I.G.T.M. maintained his close friendship with me and my ex-boyfriend (his bff).

Even more months flew by, again, and I dated various boys, while T.M.I.G.T.M. dated the same girl. Sometime after that, T.M.I.G.T.M. broke up with the afore mentioned girl. I never did hear the details of the breakup because I was out of town, and I'm okay with that. All I know is that I came home from wherever I was and T.M.I.G.T.M. was ready to jump back into the single scene, and I was right by his side to support him. We continued on with the usual frienshipping, all the while, progressively spending more and more time together without even realizing it. Neither of us had intentions of dating one another at this point. We simply knew that dating sucked and we thoroughly enjoyed spending time together.

I specifically remember one night, last spring, in an Institute class when I sat next to T.M.I.G.T.M. I was having a handful of small boy troubles that were piling up to be super annoying. I passed a note to T.M.I.G.T.M. saying that I was going to take a leave of absence from my dating life while the dust settled. And he innocently wrote back, "What dating life?" I, of course, was offended as he hurried to explain that he wasn't aware of any dating activity going on in my life. I reassured him that there was plenty of dating going on, but that I just chose not to share. And then I pouted for a few hours.

About a month later, T.M.I.G.T.M. and his bff were planning a road trip to which I was explicitly not invited. However each of my best friends were. In a rage, I confronted T.M.I.G.T.M. in the hall after church and told him how absurd I thought it was that I wasn't invited on my ex-boyfriend's trip. And he proceeded to tell me that I was being a brat. From that moment, I began to notice T.M.I.G.T.M. in a slightly different light. He stood up to me. He called me on the carpet. None of my guy friends did that to me. I got away with being a brat all the time. But not with T.M.I.G.T.M.; he knew me. He knew that I was a brat and needed to be told that in order to understand the situation. Although I couldn't show it, I respected him more for standing up to me.

He went on the trip... kept on dating various girls. I went to Europe for a while... dated various boys. I received one email from T.M.I.G.T.M. while I was away in Europe... to inform me that he was dating a cute girl that knew me. Somewhere deep down inside of me, something began to simmer.... and I went on with my life.

I returned from Europe late on a Saturday evening. Because of the jet lag, I never slept that night and was up bright and early for church the next morning. I walked into the first meeting to find one empty seat next to T.M.I.G.T.M. I was greeted with a surprised look, a warm smile, and a big hug. I'll never forget that hug... though I didn't realize the significance of the hug at the time. Somewhere deep down, the flame began to grow just a little bigger.

And our friendship picked up right where it left off a month prior.