I have often thought that I should give a terms of use agreement to boys that I date before things get very serious. This way they know all about my crazy female characteristics of which I can do nothing about. They will know what they are getting themselves into. Then, if at any point in the relationship I frustrate, confuse, annoy, or hurt them, I will just wave the terms of use agreement in their face... as a subtle reminder of the fact that they knew what they were getting themselves into before the show began. It would probably go something like this:
I, the undersigned, do hereby agree to relinquish any and all decision-making capabilities to Megan, the girl I
choose to date. By doing so, I understand that Megan will be making any crucial decisions, as determined to be crucial by her, throughout the course of our courtship. I recognize that dating a girl who is moderately attractive, smart, and funny is a rare find. I will make every effort possible to assure her that I am giving this relationship my very best efforts. Anything short of my best efforts will result in in termination of said relationship. I do understand that Megan, though typically super awesome and delightful to date, will sometimes have a momentary lapse of rational thought— she is, after all, female. I will not judge, think less of Megan for, or complain of any of the following actions:
Sitting with her arms tightly folded at the movie theater after I comment on the attractiveness of the lead actress
Not returning my phone calls or other attempts at communication for nearly a week to prove a point
Listening to what I'm saying and then later pretending not to remember what I said because I didn't say what she wanted to hear
Getting her feelings hurt and waiting months to tell me after a completely unrelated event or discussion
Saying that she doesn't expect me to plan anything for her birthday and then being sad and disappointed when I don't
Being mad when I don't pick up on all the hints she has given
Faking sick so she doesn't have to hang out with my family, again
I understand that the above list is not conclusive and may be added to at anytime according to the desire of the author. I also understand that I am one lucky sucker.
Signed, ____________________________
Terribly good looking, moderately poor, single young lady seeks single, terribly handsome, financially stable young man to take her to the Coldplay concert this coming November. Tickets are being sold at an alarmingly high price. (No, really... have you seen the ticket prices? Yikes.) No long term commitment is necessary. In fact, not having communication before or after the concert, with the exception of one phone call under 5 minutes in length to arrange the plans for the eve of the concert, is requested. Any interested young men should send an email with the location of the concert seats along with a picture of the tickets for proof of purchase purposes.
All of this media attention that politics is getting lately keeps our nation's issues in the fore-front of my mind; especially with all of the presidential election coverage. I've felt reminiscent of my old college politics days and whatnot.... It's got me thinking of the future. If any woman is going to break through the glass ceiling of politics to become our nation's first female president, it's going to me ME! And here are just a few of the qualifications that I feel make me a solid candidate for the future presidency:
Now I know what you're all thinking.... this picture sure resembles that Lindsay Lojan character. I know, I know... but it's me. I turned 25 and transformed into this super young-looking, super hot gal. It's amazing what time can do.... Now to look at some of my interests and favorites from before to see how they've changed. You may be surprised by some of the results:
