Wednesday, July 29, 2009

All in a day's work...

One of my good friends at work left our company today to go back to teaching [gasp!] I am so sad about her leaving that I have decided to compose a post in her honor. It's kind of like a Eulogy, if you will... only not as depressing.
["I'm a you-goo-guh-lizer."— Name that movie! ]

Nat, remember that time we made french toast in our office for French Toast Friday?

And how we teased Charlene for cutting her french toast up
like a mother does for their toddler?
What about the many naps we took at our desks?

Or the few times we actually sat on our "fitness orbs?"
Like this time you made me sit on yours because it matched my cardigan so well?

Oh, and our monthly-themed whiteboard?
(Our drawing skills were really starting to come along...)

How about the time we made everyone in our office create a
Valentine's Day box and pass out Valentine's cards to each other? . . .
.... And I accidentally forgot to make one and improvised with a gift bag?

Or the time we had comfy-clothes day...

... combined with banana pancake day...

... and I kind of forgot to wear my pjs.

And you griddled up the best banana pancakes I've ever had
(also the only banana pancakes I've ever had)?

Yeah, I remember, too. Those were the days....
We will miss you! Good luck with the kidlets!

For Lack of a Better Post...

Sometimes I experience a sort of writer's block in blogging. When this happens I usually just post something completely random to get the creative juices flowing again. (Not that I would presume to call myself creative. But you know what I mean.)

I like to to eat Swedish Fish as much as the next guy/gal. I have eaten them for years. But it wasn't until just recently that I made an earth-shattering discovery about this candy that has forever changed the way I feel about the fish of Swede.

No, it's not that they're surprisingly high in calories. (I only pretend to count calories. I see other people do it so often that I pretend to care and check labels so I can kick it.) It's the fact that when eating Swedish Fish, you never completely chew them! It's as if you just chew them for as long as your jaw can take it, then make a conscious decision: "Well, I've been chewing for some time now. I guess I'll give it a swallow and see what happens." This must wreak havoc on our digestive systems! But I'll steer away from all topics digestive.

Then there's the remnants-o-fish that linger in your teeth throughout the remainder of the day. Some people may look at this as a perk, but I find it annoying.

And finally, there's the fact that this same problem, not knowing when to swallow, also applies to one of my most favorite candies... Tootsie Rolls! How can I go on enjoying these candies when I'm no longer ignorant about their consistency and potential digestive problems??

Then there's The Bachelorette.....

I have received some interesting feedback on facebook regarding the fact that I've never seen an episode. And here are the reasons why:
1. I never have time to watch TV. If I do, it's to catch a few minutes of the history channel while I eat something.
2. What woman in their right mind wants to watch another unhumanly-beautiful woman get swooned over by a number of ridiculously attractive single men? Really though. :)
3. True love doesn't develop in front of cameras, in a restricted amount of time, with makeup artists, stylists, and producers on hand. Real love happens in real life.
4. I don't like shows that fill mine and other girls' minds full of fanciful ideas that will inevitably lead to our making fools of ourselves in dating with unrealistic, media-based ideals.

However, I do understand the need for people to have an "escape" and simply be entertained by TV shows. And if that's the purpose The Bachelorette serves, so be it. Just don't talk about it around me.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Smart Boys, Dumb Decisions

Prepare yourself for my unfiltered, uninhibited, tell-it-like-it-is-ness.

Question: Why do smart boys like dumb girls? 
Answer: Because they're hot
Conclusion: Maybe the smart boys aren't as smart as we thought they were after all.

I wrote a post along these same lines some time before [Lest we forget, Miss South Carolina.] I just seem to see the pattern more and more with people I know as time goes by. It's almost as if boys get dumber and dumber. I love you boys to pieces. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that I would not be here today to write this if it weren't for your gender. But, please, I beg of you, give me some reason to believe that less than 90% of you are complete idiots. If I have to be your go-to gal friend on dating issues, please make the issues something like, "She's smarter than me," "She's read books I've never read before," "She knows how to conjugate verbs like it's nobody's business!" or "She has more useful talent in one finger than I do in my whole being." Because you should feel like this about the girls you date, even if it's not the absolute truth... you should at least think they're wonderfully talented and intelligent. We all know the truth about dating is that the more you get to know someone and the more comfortable you get around them, the more they start to become a real, normal, flawed person. Why then wouldn't you want to start with a girl that's well above your standards? That way, when she starts to come down, she can't go too far down... at least she'll be within reaching distance of the bar you've set.  

Looks are fleeting. Everyone looks horrible in the mornings or while puking up their dinner. Personalities are reliable and redeeming. Brains are intriguing. Hopefully you plan to do more than stare at the person you eventually end up with.

You date to find someone to marry. You marry the type of people you date. Choose your dates wisely, please. And if you don't, I don't want to hear about it.

Thank you and goodnight. 

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I think I'm in love.

I have recently been reunited with an old fling... AND I think I'm in love.

... thought you should be the first to know.

[Note: That is not a boy in the picture. That is me with helmet hair.]

Friday, July 10, 2009

101 Things for My 101st Post

In honor of my 101st post, I have decided to share my 101 list. These are 101 things that I would like to accomplish. We did this as an exercise for work a while ago, and my boss said that they don't all have to be realistic... so NO TEASING! (That's right, I just yelled at you.) I'm sharing my dreams with you. I kind of feel like I just invited you to sift through my underwear drawer. For the record, they're green polka dots today.

Oh, and these are not written in complete sentences, so just deal with it and try not to judge me.

1. Master's Degree
2. Law Degree
3. Doctorate Degree
4. Visit every continent
5. Learn the cello
6. Dance in the nutcracker
7. Live in a home on the coast of the PNW
8.  Get on an 8 hour/night sleep schedule
9. Meet Abraham Lincoln
10. Play the organ for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
11. Own a silver 1967 Corvette
12. Help Norm rebuild a 30s hot rod
13. Write a book
14. Finish reading Les Mis and the Count of Monte Cristo, unabridged (blah!)
15. Play on a soccer team
16. Live in Boston
17. Surf in Hawaii
18. Hike Machu Pichu
19. Sail off the coast of Greece
20. Get married to my best friend
21. Have some children/a family
22. Learn to crochet
23. Learn the guitar
24. Re-learn the violin
25. Keep my living space clean at all times
26. Meet Clint Eastwood
27. Date Kyle Korver
28. See every Seinfield episode
29. Kayak off the coast of Washington
30. Become a yoga instructor
31. Lotoja
32. Wasatch Back Relay
33. Learn the Cha Cha
34. Eat authentic Mexican food
35. Ride an elephant
36. Ride in a hot air balloon
37. Read the Old(e) Testament- front to back
38. Hike it the Alps (check!)
39. Hike in the Himalayas
40. Walk the Great Wall of China
41. Own a ski boat
42. Clear the wake on a wakeboard
43. See a play at the Globe Theater
44. Dine with a current U.S. president
45. Overthrow NCLB with a better plan
46. Be a guest of Oprah
48. Ski at Targee
49. Sleep in an ice hotel in Scandinavia
50. Trace my roots in Denmark, England, and Ireland
51. Do temple work for all traceable ancestors
52. Go elk hunting
53. Write in my journal at least once a week
54. Change a flat tire all by myself
55. Change the oil in my car all by myself
56. Cook an entire Thanksgiving dinner for my whole family
57. Share the gospel with those I love
58. Replace and overcome my fear of my clip-in  pedals (ride them crash free)
59. Sail on the Great Salt Lake
60. Swim/float in the Dead Sea
61. Do volunteer work at an orphanage in Africa
62. Coach a Special Olympics team for at least a year
63. Volunteer monthly at Primary Children's
64. Grow a green thumb
65. Learn to fix a leaking sink
66. Memorize all the U.S. presidents along with the years they served in office
67. Visit all 50 states
68. Fish in Alaska
69. Hike the Subway
70. Hike the Grand Tetons (highest peak) with Erika
71. Take my parents on a vacation to Europe
72. Record my parents' personal history
73. Maintain a position as the cool aunt :)
74. Learn to play The Flight of the Bumblebee
75. Be a Utah Symphony season ticket holder
76. Own a baby grand piano
77. Attend a MLB and NFL game
78. Buy a car with cash
79. Beat Marcie in a handstand contest
80. Sew my own Halloween costume
81. Own a home
82. Hike Mt. Timpanogos and other cool peaks in Utah
83. Visit the Smithsonian museums
84. Serve a mission with my husband
85. Earn a reputation for some delicious baked good (not Muddy Buddies)
86. Learn another language (Spanish or French... or Latin)
87. Buy/build/inherit a cabin at Bear Lake or somewhere like it
88. Start and maintain a tradition of a yearly vacation with my BEST friends
89. Teach college level courses
90. Have a small child (not my own) named after me (nudge, nudge)
91. Sew a T-shirt quilt with my millions of T-shirts from college
92. Eat my daily servings of vegetables... everyday
93. Get off and stay off any and all meds for the rest of my life
94. Havasupai
95. Take photography classes
96. Take pottery classes
97. Live in the 20s and dress like a flapper
98. Become a multimillionaire so I can retire as a philanthropist 
99. Never see another Twilight movie as long as I live!!
100. Teach special ed
101. Live a happy and fulfilled life

And now you know that I live in a dream world.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Take it from these guys...

Dating would be a lot less bothersome if the time I spent with boys I date was more like time I spend with my nephews. Dates are hit and miss; nephews are always fun and ALWAYS make me feel good. In an effort to help the many helpless boys in the world (bless their hearts), I have compiled a list of things I love about spending time with my nephews. When taken to heart and applied to dating, these tips can be oober helpful and improve success rates in dating— I golden guarantee it! 

Go ahead, give it a whirl.

1. Laugh at the lame jokes I tell
2. Sing along to songs I make up about you
3. Talk about how much you miss your mom when you're out with me
4. Believe everything I tell you
5. Get so excited about going out with me that you can't finish your dinner
6. Let me choose what music we listen to
7. Make fake siren noises and tell me that I'm being pulled over
8. Fight with another person at the movie theater about getting to sit right next to me (or on my lap)
9. Hold my hand tight during scary parts of the movie
10. Laugh ridiculously hard at really, really lame parts of the movie
11. Get really excited about something you saw in the movie and talk on and on and on about how you're going to make it happen in real life
12. Tell me that I look boo-tiful, even when I probably look like a boy
13. Sing "You Are My Sunshine" with me while we're grocery shopping
14. Push the buttons for me on the credit card machine at the check out
15. Offer to share your mushy, sticky banana with me and look sad when I don't want a bite
16. Believe that your dad really could fly to the moon if he wanted to
17. Ask me to verify anything that you're not sure about
18. Let me play with your toys
19. Make me cards and pictures out of colored glue, glitter, etc.
20. Get sad and cry at the end of the night when the date has to end

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I love your brain

Sunday night my family was holding the weekly "Megan Dating Intervention" meeting (which I try to avoid at all costs). Norm had advised me to do something silly like "just plant one" on a boy. I told him that I didn't need to kiss a boy to get him to fall in love with me, because someday someone is going to fall in love with me because of my brain.

Norm laughed really hard.

The rest of my family laughed.

I'm laughing a little bit as I write this post. 

Oh, Norm....

Monday, July 6, 2009

Drawing Lines

From the Mixed-Up European files of Megan
I'm not sure why dating was weighing on my mind while I was in Europe, but it was. Here's some food for thought on dating from my journal at that time. Any sharing of insight is greatly encouraged. 

However, if you're related to me, and you're married, don't bother commenting. I already know what you're going to tell me!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Sometimes I feel like all I do in dating is draw lines, one after another. Then I convince or remind myself of the purpose of those lines.

Sometimes I draw lines for myself:
"Megan, he's no into you (although, he probably should be.) You are just friends."
"Megan, he's not the type of guy you know you want to end up with— be strong and cut him loose."

Sometimes I draw general lines in conversations or by way of reputation. This was people will know what type of boys I do and don't date, and what I expect out of a relationship.

And more often than I'd like to, I draw lines for the boys that I have close, personal relationships with:
"We're just friends— nothing more."
"We're friends, but you take advantage of our friendship and lead me on. Stop it (jacka**)."
"I don't feel the same way for you that you do for me."

None of the scenarios are fun, and all are hurtful on both sides, believe it or not. The last scenario is the one that has the longest lingering effect. I have a tendancy to question my decision to draw that line, sometimes long after I draw it. I beat myself up reanalyzing the facts, trying to make sense of things. It should add up, but it just doesn't.... and I HATE this! I can't come up with even one good reason in some cases why it wouldn't work. It adds up beautifully on paper, like clockwork. BUT I just don't feel "it."

What is this "it" anyhow? What is "it" supposed to feel like?

Everyone tells me that, "You just know." Well I'd like to "just know" for crying out loud! Meanwhile, I'm paving a path of destruction while I wait to "just know." You'd think by age 26 I'd have something figured out, but I don't. It's as if I'm getting worse at dating and more confused about feelings.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
That journal entry was almost a month old, and I still haven't solved the problems... can you believe it?

Doesn't reading my blog make you so grateful you're married (if you are)! And maybe a little less crazy if you're single?? That's what I'm here for. Don't mention it.


A friend recently decided to award me with the nick name frankles, for obvious reasons; I came home from Europe with Cankles and freckles. Clever, right? Well, I thought it was a nick name that was funny for a one-time conversation. Turns out it's sticking, and catching on with others. Thanks a lot, friend-who-I-cannot-come-up-with-a-mean-nickname- for!

I guess this is a step up from Megs'n Bacon.




Thursday, July 2, 2009

Freckle Juice

So last night I had an appointment with my esthetician. I've been seeing her every couple months for quite a while now. Last night I laid down on her little bed thingy. She got everything ready to go, turned toward me and exclaimed, "Whoa! Um... I have some bleach I think you need to start using on your face to help control your freckles." All of a sudden I was flooded with memories of reading Freckle Juice in third grade and wondering, while reading it, if there really was a way to rid myself of freckles. After all these years, I've finally accepted my freckled self and now a licensed professional is telling me there is an actual product that can gradually bleach away my freckles. Where was she when I was nine?!

But seriously, as an adult, who worries about having freckles (because now I kind of am)?