Another One Bites the Dust And a Barking Child's Dog Bend!

I am happy to report that yet another member of the Sugar Free Challenge has caved, leaving only myself and two others. I was with the other two remaining members a couple of nights ago and we made guesses at who would fall next. The thing is... I don't know that any of us will. One of the boys is painfully laid back; it has probably never occurred to him that he's missing out on sugar. The other boy is painfully stubborn.... much like me. We decided that we'll probably have to track one another down when we're on our death beds to say that we decided to break the challenge before we died of old age. Maybe I'll still be blogging then. I'll be sure to post the results.

Also, I did yoga for the VERY first time in my life tonight. It was quite the experience. I will say that it was much more difficult than I had anticipated. I did break into a sweat and begin some heavy/fast breathing. I really enjoyed it, especially the nap I took the last few minutes during the "cool down." I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my gym will hold a class called Yoga for Inflexible People.

Kill me.....

Just thought I'd give an update on the sugar situation. I hate it. I've been dreaming in chocolate and it's all I can do to keep myself from walking down to the vending machine at work for a bag of Peanut M & M's!

Also, one of the members dropped out of the bet yesterday (bless her heart, she had a break up) which means my odds of winning are much better. :) I should mention that I am sorry for her misfortune although I plan on capitalizing on her loss.  Now if I could just get the others to crack soon so I don't have to go on living like this... kill me!

On a more positive note.... I broke out in hives the night before last. That's been a real neat experience. I've only had hives one other time in my life... on my trip to Hawaii with some friends. I'm starting to notice a trend in friend trips and me being sick or afflicted....

I'm rather cynical when I write late at night, so I'd better save the space for another day.

Sugar Free

I am known for having a sweet tooth of sorts. I have had the recipe for Muddy Buddies memorized since I was 9 years old. And I have made a batch in under 10 minutes on EVERY Thursday that an episode of "The Office' has aired.... since it's inception! Also, I have recently discovered a delicious recipe for simple sugar cookies with delicious buttercream frosting that I enjoy making for any occasion. Additionally, my friend Erika introduced me to cupcakes made from scratch.... I never knew it was possible!! For my 25th birthday this past June, I had FOUR people give me large bags of Peanut M & M's because they know just how much those chocolatey morsels mean to me. My life is ruled by sugar!! 

I had no idea how bad it was until some of my friends decided to enter a sugar free challenge. There are five of us involved, three of which have severe cases of the sweet tooth, myself included. I don't know how my friend got the idea for this challenge, but it couldn't have come at a better time! The terms are that we each put some money in the pot, you get ONE DAY a week when you can eat sugar, the other six are sugar free, and whoever lasts the longest takes the money. It just so happens that 3 of the 5 people involved are stubborn ol'mules, myelf included. It could be interesting....

I am beginning my 3rd week of the sugar free challenge and I am doing okay. The first 3 days or so were not pretty. I had no idea just how much I relied on sugar.... or how much sugar I consumed on a daily basis. I was a BEAR to everyone the first few days as I felt my body go through sugar withdrawals.  Then things planed out and I was okay..... just okay. Until the first day I could eat sugar; I ate a small bag of Peanut M & M's, two fun size Kit Kats, a chocolate chip cookie, and two Tootsie Roll Midges. I was ill, to say the least. 

Week two wasn't so bad. I've had to readjust my daily menus to fruits and food with natural sugars to keep me awake at my desk. Labor Day weekend was part of our week two and we decided to lift the ban for two days since we were all out of town together. I made Muddy Buddies, sugar cookies, a different Chex Mix covered in white chocolate that we lovingly call Santa's Crack, and I bought myself a bag of Peanut M & M's. I was ill. Again.

Today I made the decision that in order to win this bet and release myself from the chains of complex sugars, I am no longer going to take my free day of sugar each week. I am nervous just thinking about it! But it's time. I don't like having such a strong dependency on things; especially something as silly as sugar. So, wish me luck. Here goes nothin'!

(p.s. If anyone out there happens to know a sugar free recipe for Muddy Buddies, send it my way.)

Tagged

Four Places I Go Over and Over

1. Target

2. Barnes and Noble

3. Jamba Juice

4. The restroom (if I'm being honest)

Four Places I'd Rather Be

1. Lake Powell

2. San Diego

3. In French wine country reading a good book... not drinking wine

4. Playing games with good friends or a cute boy

Four People I Talk to on a Regular Basis

1. Erika

2. Marcie

3. My mom (usually much too early in the morning for my liking)

4. Collin 

Four Places I Like to Eat

1. Maddox

2. Cafe Rio/Bajio's/Costa Azul

3. Mac Cool's

4. MiMi's

Four People I Tag:

1. Michelle

2. Shae

3. Tammy

4. Andrea

Remember When?

I stole this idea from my sister's blog. Thought it might be fun...

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume that you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.

Let's not be too embarrassing here, people.  :)

Mein Kampf, My Eye.

Issues.

Disclaimer: For those of you who have been married for more than 5 years, your memory (or lack of) will not allow for you to fully understand this post. You see, this post is about the frustrations of dating, which you may think you remember, but you don't.  The pain of dating has now become nothing more than a memory that has confused itself with your dreams/nightmares. :)

Today I am feeling frustrated with dating... again. Shocker. I've often said that I wouldn't mind being single if I didn't have to date. This concept seems nice to me because I've never been a girl who has minded being single. Truthfully, I haven't minded dating either. I'm pretty open to whichever path my life takes, single-ness or relationships. However, I don't love that dating inevitably comes with feelings of one kind or another. I hate feelings. I wish I could just do my thing, live my life, date around, meet someone great, fall in love with him and never have feelings involved.... Oh, and become a millionaire. I'm just now learning that it can't work like that... I'm a little slower than most. (By the way, I blame Disney movies for my naive misconceptions about relationships, in case you were wondering). Writing this post, for me, is acting as a sort of purging of my soul; maybe I'll feel better after I let it out. I'm recently starting to see the error of my ways in dating. My "dating" life has been following the same pattern for years now and it took a dear friend coming into my life to help me see the light. 

It all started in college when I was a fearless dating machine. I dated a whole bunch, was flighty, fickle, and has absolutely no intentions of getting serious with any boy. Then one caught me off-guard my senior year when I finally admitted to myself after dating him for almost 8 months that I REALLY cared for him. By the time I reached a point where I could actually tell him this, things were too far gone. Anyhow, one thing lead to another and after over a year of dating he and I broke up. It broke my heart. Worse than I could have imagined. I would then spend the next few years just trying to get over him, not admitting to anyone that I wasn't over him.

Then came Captain A-Hole, as we lovingly call him in my family. He seemed like the perfect fit for me. He seemed too good to be true. And he was. He forced his way into my life and fairly quickly into my heart, only to take a sudden, shocking exit... where he got away with my self confidence and trust. But over time I realized that the breakup was a huge blessing. 

I consider those two experiences my only real serious experiences, though there have been many fillers between them. Both were damaging in completely different ways. Surprisingly, it seems to be the effect from the first experience that I just can't get past. 

After Captain A-Hole left my life, I found myself grasping onto friends and pulling them in as closely as possible. They all happened to be boys. As our friendships were getting strong, I was fighting to come back into life with feelings and a heart toward the opposite gender. This stage is when I REALLY became "one of the guys." I forced that role upon myself to fill a void in my life and not have to deal with feelings beyond friendship. This is the part of my life I'm feeling frustrated with lately. For the past few years, having mostly male friends that I spend vast amounts of time with has created a lot of grey areas. I keep running into situations where one of the 2 people involved starts to have feelings or wonders if they do.... and typically the other doesn't. It's even more frustrating because I never see it as it's happening, someone usually has to point it out to me. I'm sick of the grey area. I'm sick of having male friends with ulterior motives. I'm sick of spending a lot of time with guys friends who will never think of me as more than a friend when I'm secretly hoping in the back of my mind that they'll come around. I have spent years running in circles of telling my friends that I don't think of them like that and having the same two boys who "don't think of me like that" still taking up good amounts of my precious time.

This talk was given by Dallin H. Oaks to a group of  Young Single Adults in 2005. I know this talk well. Almost well enough to paraphrase it. "Why?" you might ask, do I know it so well.... probably because once the talk was released on video, young adults in my area were inundated with its message in Sunday School, Priesthood/Relief Society Meetings, Family Home Evenings, etc.

So today I pledge to shut my friendship door, or at least close it halfway. I am going to keep male friends in moderation and not let myself get attached to them or let them get attached to me. Today I pledge to rediscover true dating and make a place for it in my life! I will grow up and no longer be a 20-something Peter Pan.  I know that there is no guaranteed outcome, but I can do my part. All I can do is try.